• Life

    Our God is a God who HEALS: my story about dealing with health anxiety

    October 17, 2016

    Just wanted to swing by and share just how good God is. I can’t help but write when God shows up in my life in a big way – and that’s exactly what He did today.

    So I’ve shared a little bit about how I’ve been struggling with anxiety for quite a while now. A lot of this has had to do with my health. It all started out about two years ago when my body just started doing some funny things that it never had before. I had a dry cough that never seemed to go away and an ache in my left side after sleeping on it all night. I’ve never had issues like these before this so it really freaked me out and made me think there was something seriously wrong with me (read: cancer).

    Cancer has been my biggest fear for the past two years. It’s pretty bizarre too because I don’t know anyone close to me who had cancer nor do any of my family members have it. The fear kind of came out of left field but it was a very real fear of mine. It came and went but when it would really flare up I would have some serious anxiety attacks.

    Although I was pretty scared I still never really went to the doctor too much because I reasoned with myself saying that it was all in my head and that I don’t have anything to be afraid of (although I still never stopped being afraid). This caused me to be stuck in this place where I was terrified but had no way to move past the fear either because I wasn’t seeking truth from a doctor.

    I did go to a lung doctor at one point and got a CT done of my chest but the doctor said I was okay. This oddly didn’t help my fears much at all because I still had the cough but there wasn’t an explanation – and I really just believed that I had cancer sometimes so it was almost as if I wasn’t going to believe that that wasn’t true.

    I eventually figured out that when I get anxious that’s when the cough happens so I have since stopped being worried about it because it’s obvious to me where it’s coming from now and I don’t have to be worried it’s something serious.

    Fast forward about a year and you’ll be right around the time when I got married (about 5 months ago). I started having more minor health issues, like UTI’s, colds and indigestion. Meanwhile I still had that darn aching feeling in my side. When things like that flare up together it’s a sure thing that my anxiety will flare up with it. I went to the doctor, got each issue taken care of on their own but still didn’t seem to have any relief from the anxiety this time. I knew deep down that I wasn’t trusting that God was good and I didn’t think He cared if I got cancer to be honest. I’m not sure where I got this idea but I didn’t know how to shake it.

    Now jump to about a month ago when I seriously got tired of having health anxiety. I mean it had been over two years at this point and it got to be exhausting. I decided I needed to do whatever it took to get this gone, whether that be going to the doctor, or even a counselor if need be. I just wanted to feel normal again.

    I went to the regular doctor for a “yearly checkup” because I knew if the tests came back normal I would at least be able to tell myself that when I was feeling anxious. Even though at this point I really didn’t feel like the aching feeling was really serious I knew I had to bring it into the light and tell my doctor about it so I could finally have peace about it. So that’s what I did and it was SCARY. The doctor sent me for an ultrasound, which did not help with my anxiety AT ALL. It made it so much worse because it told me I had a reason to worry. I didn’t trust that God wanted me healed but I knew that He was the only one who could heal so I cried out to him multiple times a day and read about 60+ psalms over the few days I had to wait for the results.

    Today was the day that I found out that the ultrasound was CLEAR. I finally have nothing to worry about. It helped me confirm that certain foods just bother my stomach and I need to work on not eating so much of them. But most importantly of all it showed me that my God is a God that heals and a God that CARES. I can’t even begin to tell you how overwhelmed I was when I head that I do not have to worry about it anymore.

    And that is how God has healed me of my health anxiety. It was so difficult at times but God always carried me through it. I am so so thankful that there is nothing seriously wrong with me and I finally believe that God really does want GOOD things for me.

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  • Life

    September Goals Recap + October Goals

    October 8, 2016

    I know it’s late but being a little late is better than never right? So let’s see how I did for my September goals.
    1. No credit cards. I didn’t do this perfectly but it was way way better than I normally do. The only thing we used credit cards for last month was vacation and doctors bills so I’m counting that as a win.
    2. I want to stick to my budget this month. I’m gonna have to say no to this one. While we did stick to it 90% of the time I always lose track at the end of the month. I decided for October that I was going to give it a month of very lose budgeting because I get a little too stressed out trying to plan every dollar out. Come November I may go back to more closely budgeting where our money is going.
    3. Spend as much time outside in the sun while it is still warm. Yes. Tommy actually did his very first surfing lesson this month and which was awesome (pictured below). We also went hiking one day with my brother and his girlfriend so that was really nice.
    4. Spend more time with God reading His word. Sadly I don’t think I can check this one off. I don’t have much time in the morning to get ready because I usually get to work by 7 so that doesn’t leave me much time to read my bible before then, which is my favorite time to do it and by the time I get home for some reason I think that since I didn’t read when I wanted to I just won’t do it that day. I need to get better at disciple for this one. I also have found that when I keep track each day if I did or didn’t read that helps too.
    5. Less Netflix, more Reading. Didn’t read quite as much as I wanted to but definitely read more this month than the past ones so I’m counting this as a win also.

    tommy-surfing

    No terrible but definitely could have done better. Now onto my October goals!

    1. Read God’s word every day this month.
    2. Workout 2-3 times a week.
    3. Read more!!
    4. Cook more nutritious meals.
    5. Be more social.
    6. Clean out our closet.
    7. Redo the gallery wall.
    8. Make a fall wreath.
    9. Go apple picking.

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  • Life

    No Condemnation Here

    September 17, 2016

    Welp guys apparently there is just no hope for me to blog every day lol. I did try though! Maybe next year! I just wanted to stop in today and share a little bit about what God is teaching me in this season of my life. I may even just turn it into a little series because there is honestly so much to talk about.

    Today I want to share with you what God really opened my eyes to last week at church. And just to be fair this isn’t anything new and if you’re a Christian you have definitely heard it before – many times at that – but still I really just want to explain it in a way that hopefully will help you guys really take it in too, that is if it’s something you struggle with as well.

    What I’m talking about is condemnation. I am my own worst critic and always fail to give myself grace when I do anything wrong, even when it’s something small. And I’m not saying that we all should just not care about when we do things that we know are wrong but there’s something to say about how we treat ourselves and others when things don’t go the way that they should or the way that God would want.

    Something in my head finally clicked last week at church when my pastor was talking about how our main mission as Christians should be to share the love of God with others. And not just in our actions but with our words. We need to be going out and TELLING others just how great our God is. And to be open and honest here this is something I struggle with in real life. I love writing about it here where nobody really knows who I am but when it comes to the real people in my life I sometimes get ashamed or afraid of what they will think of me.

    But also, more than that we need other Christians to help us share this message. It is not an easy task by any means and we needs others to stand along side us and just be there or just be praying for us. This is God’s work and we need to be pleading with Him to help. And this has been the hardest thing for me. I’ve been afraid to get to know new Christians because I’ve been afraid of what they will think of me. I know my own heart and how messy it is and I don’t want to let others know it too.

    But God has really been opening my eyes to show me that no matter how messy we feel, He doesn’t condemn us. And if He doesn’t condemn us then why should we be afraid of other people? God doesn’t care about what these people think of us and neither should we. Let’s try to remember in those times how Jesus died for this sin so no matter how long we struggle with it God still never holds it against us. Let’s get back up, continue striving and praying to overcome it, but not let ourselves to allow it to stop us from doing the amazing work that He has already planned for us to do. He loves us and He loves everyone around us and He needs us to go out and be His ambassadors.

    For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. – John 3:17

    If you’re interested in listening to the sermon that helped me through this, the link is here. Our pastor really goes into so much more detail about how we need to be heavenly minded too. He really opened my eyes in a lot of ways. Let me know what you think if you do listen!

     

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  • Life,  Marriage

    Home Tour!

    September 8, 2016

    I am so excited about today’s topic. I have been wanting to do a home tour since we moved into our apartment but I never felt that it was ready. I still don’t but it’s come a long way since we moved in so I thought nows as good a time as ever so… Welcome to our home!

    living-room

    If you walked in this is what you would see. Most of the decorations I’ve used actually came from our wedding and a lot of them are homemade so they are really sweet reminders for me.

    living-room-3living-room-2

    I am still in love with that coffee cart and am so glad we bought. Also pictured is my desk that I (try to) spend my mornings reading my bible and journaling but don’t always make it.

    kitchen-2

    This would be our kitchen. It’s not very big but it’s just what we need.

    kitchen-table

    And lastly, our dining room. We bought that table when we moved in and we absolutely love it. It’s so cute and the perfect addition to our little space and it fits our style so well. The cards hanging above it are from our wedding and the banner is also decoration from our wedding. Oh and those are my wedding flowers. Did I mention that all the decorations in the apartment are from the wedding? 😉

    So this is our home and my favorite part is who I spend it with. A huge shout out to my husband for helping me straighten up so I can take these pictures- you’re the best 🙂

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  • Life

    5 Things That Bring Me Joy

    September 7, 2016

    Blog-tember Day 7. I missed a day yesterday but can we all just agree that blogging every day is hard. To all you guys who haven’t missed a day – you all are the real MVPs. Anyways, today’s topic is 5 things that give me joy! Easy!

    one.

    Hearing a sermon that was exactly what my heart needed. There is nothing that gives me more joy than knowing God cares for me and meets me right where I am. These sermons encourage me like nothing else and show me that God always is there even when it feels like He isn’t.

    two.

    The beach. I seriously love sitting in the sun reading a good book, hearing the ocean break against the shore, and feeling the ocean breeze. perfection. if you need me Saturday, that’s where I’ll be.

    three.

    Following a challenging recipe and having it come out awesome, especially when my husband tells me it’s awesome ;). There’s not much more satisfying than that.

    four.

    Reading a really good book. Either one that gives you all the feels, like you can completely relate or just one that is completely unexpected and awesome. Those are always the best.

    five.

    Coffee. And that awesome productive drive you have when you drink coffee at just the right time and get all the work done.

    I could honestly go on and on. There are plenty more things that give me joy. Maybe I’ll have to write another (more extensive) blog post about all the things that bring me joy. What brings you joy?

     

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  • Life

    My Most Memorable Birthday

    September 5, 2016

    Today’s topic is not something that I would normally write about on my blog but I’m determined to stick to writing every day so here goes nothing.

    When I think of birthday’s I don’t really remember too many of them to be honest. I remember when I was younger I used to have all of my friends over for a “Sleepover Party”. These were the highlight of my winters, as I did this every year for probably a good 5 years. Every once and a while there would be a huge snow storm (because my birthday is January 22) and some friends wouldn’t be able to make it and I would get really upset. As fun as these birthdays were I don’t think I would consider them my most memorable though.

    My most memorable birthday was probably when I turned 18 I believe and my best friend and boyfriend at the time threw me a surprise birthday party. I had thought that nobody really cared about my birthday up until then because I had tried to plan something myself and all of my friends told me they were too busy. I was so upset. So me and my best friend decided we were going to just go out to eat together to celebrate and she surprised me when all of my friends were at the restaurant. I felt so special and loved that day. I don’t have any pictures from the day but I still remember how special it was.

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