• Faith,  Marriage

    Why Marriage Is Not The Happily Ever After We Thought It Was

    September 17, 2015

    Now I’m not married or even engaged for that matter so I’m not sure if I’m truly qualified to even write this post but I’m going to attempt it anyway. It’s obvious based off my other posts that Tommy and I are pretty serious and that we even have been talking about getting married a lot lately. We both know that we want to marry each other, it’s just a matter of time and letting the details work themselves out. As with anything new that I am about to embark on I have been reading AS MUCH as I can about marriage because I’m the type of person who always wants to be prepared. My parents are also divorced and I want to learn as much as I can how to have a healthy, happy marriage since it’s not what I grew up around or know much about.

    The Most Important Thing I’ve Learned:

    Marriage is not meant to make you happy. Wait, what? Isn’t that what’s taught – no drilled into our heads since we were old enough to talk? Isn’t that what every Disney movie (with the exception of Frozen – Hallelujah!) is about? If you search hard enough, or wait around long enough, prince charming will come find you. And when he does, it’s going to be glorious and there won’t be anything left to worry about. You’ll have your happily ever after and everything will be perfect.

    But what happens when you wake up in the real world, next to a sinner – like yourself – and your prince charming does something you never would have imagined he would do? What happens when you’ve run into an issue in your marriage just two weeks in and you’re arguing all the time? Do you just give up because this isn’t what you thought married life was supposed to be like?

    I hope not. I hope you choose to fight more for your marriage than you fight with your spouse. I hope you are able to swallow your pride and apologize when you’re wrong. But more than that I hope you forgive – I hope you forgive even when you don’t want to, even when your spouse did something you thought you never could forgive them for. Because isn’t that what marriage is truly about?

    God gave us the gift of marriage to show us the beauty behind His love for us. It’s not meant to make us happy, it’s meant to make us holy. When we choose to get married, we are choosing to put someone’s needs before our own and sacrifice ourselves for another person. We’re choosing to put their happiness ahead of ours. We’re choosing to become more like Jesus. No wonder marriage isn’t the happily ever after we thought it would be. This is no easy task – I struggle with it already and I’m not even married yet.

    The most amazing part of marriage to me is the grace were expected to give to our spouses. When we say “I do”, we’re committing to extend grace through anything, no matter what. We’re expected to stare straight at our spouse’s weaknesses, the same weakness that have hurt us and say “Nope I refuse to leave, I’m staying and I’m still choosing to love you”. And the greatest part of it all is that we’re expected to do all this because Jesus has already done it all for us – and more!

    He’s looking at you right now saying “You – the messy, broken you that you don’t even like.. I want you. I want that part of you. Bring it to me and confess the brokenness – only I can heal you and I WANT to, more than you want to be healed. Come to me and I will give you rest.”

    This is why marriage is so glorious! Because we were made to reflect that beauty. We get to show that grace to another person – that even though you’re messy and even though you hurt me – I still love you and I still am staying no matter what. We’re set up in the perfect place to really put on display Christ’s love to not only our spouses but to the world around us and this is so so much better than any happily ever after the movies display for us.

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  • Faith,  Marriage

    Tommy’s Turn (An Extra Special Guest Post)

    September 13, 2015

     Hi guys. I’m super excited to share with you what Tommy has written for the blog 🙂 I was really excited when he offered talked about wanting to write a blog post and his post is so sweet I know you guys will love it. So without further ado – here’s my handsome, silly boyfriend:

    Hiya folks! This blog is going to be a little different than Ashley’s usual…. I bet you’re wondering why.  Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Tommy and I’m Ashley’s boyfriend. This is my first crack blogging and I’m really excited Ashley is letting me take over her cool new hobby; I’m also brand new to this blogging world so please go easy on me.

    Anyway I just wanted to share some quick thoughts on how grateful I am for my girly-friend. Since I don’t entirely understand the meaning of a segue-way I will be jumping right into this. Never in my life would I think I would have met such a perfect match for me as Ashley. This amazing chick understands, cares, loves, and guides me in ways I didn’t know were possible. When I’m lost in my faith, or beginning to stray, she is always there to offer such godly advice – it humbles and silents me. So for most of my life I have been a pretty quiet and shy guy, and never one to stand up for myself. Ashley has made me realize my true identity in Christ. Having the confidence in our one true savior has allowed me to really break out of my shell, and feel comfortable enough to be myself. What is so amazing about all of this is, even through my bumps and bruises, no matter how big my flaws , BOTH Ashley and Jesus have an unconditional love me. I hope you all one day understand that Jesus’ love pours out like a never ending river for you. Its FREE baby, its the hope of the world! I really could go on and on about Ashy but its time to wrap this little blog attempt up. Hopefully this was short and sweet, I really enjoyed writing it, and hope you enjoy reading. It’s time for some s’mores brownies! So I’m out. Sleep easy all.

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  • Marriage

    Bliss Part 2

    August 21, 2015

    Hi friends 🙂 I just wanted to stop by and elaborate on my last post (if you missed it, you can check it out here). When I wrote that one I was having one of those days where I was so exhausted that I was having a hard time really focusing on getting out what I really wanted to say. I thought I’d try my best to try to explain a little more about my thoughts behind the post today but I’ve also been having I guess what you would call writer’s block. I can’t clearly get across what I want to write about lately and I haven’t really had any great ideas to write about either which has been kind of discouraging. Sometimes I even think that starting this blog wasn’t a good idea and that maybe I’m not all that great at writing anyway but I am going to persevere and see how things go.

    So back to the point of this post (hopefully this one will be a little clearer) – my heart behind the last post was that waiting on God specifically when it comes to a dating relationship is way more worth it than you could ever imagine it to be. Thinking back on the years I went through wishing and wanting and praying for a boyfriend are some what of a blur now. Looking back isn’t exactly a fun experience either because it reminds me of how much more I wanted a boyfriend or husband than I really wanted the Lord but it makes me really appreciate to be in where I am today.

    I took my relationships into my own hands for quite a while and had to go through quite a few heartbreaks before I was willing to admit that maybe God knows a better way. I am just so thankful that the Lord never gave up on me though and kept pursuing me despite my sin and eventually got through to my stubborn heart.

    I wanted to encourage those of you out there who might be in a similar season. Maybe you have taken things into your own hands and suffered the consequences, or maybe you haven’t yet but are really struggling not to. Being on the other end of the spectrum now, in a  relationship that is God-honoring and such a joy, I can honestly say that every moment of the confusion and pain of waiting will be more than worth it in the end.

    Running ahead of God and pursuing a relationship that is not honoring to Him may be fun for a season but usually ends in heartbreak. And even if it doesn’t, I can promise that a relationship outside of His design will never have the same joys that one with Him in the center of it does.

    And I want you to know that I only know this through experience. I’ve been in relationships that were not God-honoring and they do not compare to the one I’m in today. I went through the waiting process (sometimes gracefully, most times not) and on the other end I can tell you the only reason why it is worth it is because in that waiting process you learn that GOD IS ENOUGH. You learn that He’s all you need and how to make Him to be the desire of your heart rather than a husband (or wife). This then sets you up in a wonderful place to eventually be able honor and respect your future husband in the correct way rather than elevate him to be a god in your heart. It sets you up to have such a sweet relationship where you both can love and spur each other on to fall more and more in love with Jesus.

    I am so so thankful for my relationship with Tommy and how God uses him to continually point me towards Himself. I couldn’t ask for a more thoughtful and loving guy. He is always pursuing me and putting my desires before his own and I really don’t understand how I got so lucky. It’s never easy to wait on God, no matter what the circumstances are, but it is always worth it.

    Some things that really helped me in the waiting process was to read my Bible and cry out to Jesus when I was at my lowest. Tell Him how you feel, He is cares and is closer than you realize.

    The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 24:18

    Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. – 1 Peter 5:7

    Something that also helped was reading books written by people who had been in my shoes and had good advice for me. Some of those books that really helped were:

    Praying For Your Future Husband: Preparing Your Heart For His – By Robin Jones Gunn

    Lady In Waiting: Becoming God’s Best While Waiting For Mr. Right – By Jackie Kendall

    Another thing that helped was talking to others about how I was feeling. I know we may be strangers but I have been there and if anyone needs just someone to listen and be encouraged I want you to know that I am here just for that. My hopes in writing posts like these are to help others and I would love to do that on more of a personal level as well.

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  • Marriage

    Bliss

    August 19, 2015

    A word I would use to describe how I feel about my relationship with Tommy. I’m not naive enough to think it’s because of how great of a guy he is, though that’s true. I also know that it isn’t because we are practically the same person, just different genders – though that’s true as well.

    I’ve been at this dating thing for quite some time now. I’ve always been one of those girls who wished and dreamed of the day that she got married. It’s always sounded like it was going to be amazing, but I also wanted it for the wrong reasons as well. I don’t come from the greatest of families so I used to be on a quest to get married so that I could move out and start my own family. Although God has corrected my view of wanting to get married, it took a lot of pain and heartbreak to get me to where I am now.

    Bliss would be the word I would use to describe my relationship with Tommy and I know the only reason it is this way is because I know that God is with us and growing us towards each other and towards himself.

    I want to encourage anyone out there who is struggling with singleness and doesn’t know if God is even there at all. Struggling to believe if He even cares about your desires to be married. I want to you to know that He is there and He cares. More than you could ever know. He wants more for your life than you do and that’s why He has you in this season. Don’t do what I did and take things into your own hands, it will only leave you more alone and hurt than you’re feeling now.

    Trust.

    God knows your desires and He wants you to know that He hears you and your prayers for the future. He wants you to trust Him to bring to pass whatever is best for you. Use this season to get closer to Him, singleness is only for a season.

    Lay your desires down at the foot of the cross.

    Let God fulfill you like only He can.

    It’s never easy but always worth it.

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  • Faith,  Marriage

    Life Update: God Cares About The Small Things Too!

    July 29, 2015

    Disclaimer: This is super long and way more personal than my prior posts. I hope you guys will enjoy learning more about my life and what God is doing in it. I’d love to hear about yours as well! Leave a comment with your blog website and I’d love to check it out 🙂

    God is SO good guys! My main reason for documenting this is because I really want to be able to clearly remember how God showed up and answered my prayers in such an amazing way. My hopes is that it encourages you too and helps you to remember that God is always here with us and cares so so much about us.

    So let me let you to what’s currently going on in my life a little bit. As I’ve written about in an older post, I have been dating Tommy for quite some time now – tomorrow is actually our 9 month anniversary! Tommy and I by no means have a perfect relationship, we have our struggles just as everybody else does but I know that this is the man that God has made for me to marry. He is the most thoughtful and caring guy I have ever known. He loves Jesus, most importantly, which is what makes our relationship so great.

    Tommy and I have gotten to the point where we know that we want to marry each other but we are trying to figure out the details and getting ready for that point. Obviously this means that we would both need to be financially able to live on our own. I am most likely going to have to find a new job within the next six months or so because my bank has been pending a merger for about 3 years now (lol) so if/when that goes through I will be let go. I just graduated from college in May though and am not too worried about finding something, just because I know that God will provide and take care of me.

    Tommy happens to be two years younger than I am and he has not exactly figured out which direction he wants to go in when it comes to jobs. His dad is a welder and for a while his plan was to learn from his dad and become a welder also. This path however is a little uncertain because his dad would have to be able to get him a job at the quarry that he works at and we weren’t sure that this was 100% going to be able to happen. Tommy also has an interest in business and has been debating continuing his education and getting a business degree. (Did you catch that?? He’s hands on (wanting to be a welder) and also super smart when it comes to managing money… am I a lucky girl or what?!)

    But this has been tough for me because I can be quite an impatient person sometimes and always one to want to be in control of things. Both Tommy and I have felt that our relationship is at the point where we want to take the next step (& get engaged!!) but we obviously need to make a mature decision and make sure that we can provide for ourselves once we’re married. So to the impatient part lol I have realized that if Tommy chooses to continue with his education that we will most likely have to wait until he graduates before we are able to get married, which could be about 2-3 years. I’m not going to lie I went through a time where I was really struggling with this. I admit that I don’t want to wait that long, and I had a time where I was really unhappy thinking about him doing this. But I also really wanted to be able to support him no matter what he chose to do and I wanted him to make the right decision for himself. I spent a lot of time praying and telling God how I was feeling about it and I can honestly say that He gave me the grace to trust that His plan was way better than mine and be 100% okay with whatever Tommy chose to do, even if that meant that we had to wait 2 or 3 years to get married.

    Now to the exciting part… God seems to really have answered Tommy and I’s prayers in a crazy way. Right when we felt that working with his dad was not really an option anymore, God brought this option back and I can’t tell you how grateful I am. Tommy’s dad is planning to try to get him learning more about welding throughout the rest of this year and hopefully get him in at the quarry sometime early next year! When Tommy told me about this I couldn’t believe it, I’ve never had God surprise me in such a way and it really shows me how much he actually cares about the details of our lives. If Tommy gets the job with his dad, we will be able to get married, and he will also probably have enough time to go back to school to learn business as well. It’s a win all around and so amazing.

    Although I do recognize that God could change his plans again, and it is possible for Tommy to not get the job with his dad, I still am insanely grateful for the hope that He has given us that this is the path that He is leading us down. I’m so excited to see what He has in store for us, even if things do change and Tommy and I aren’t able to get married for 2-3 years. I just am so grateful to have such an amazing man in my life and a God who loves us so much that He takes the time to care about the small details and leads us down the correct path.

    If you managed to read all of this and make it this far, you’re the best!! This was super long haha but something I felt I really wanted to share. Would you mind just praying for Tommy and I – that we would keep following down God’s path for us? Thanks so much guys!

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  • Life,  Marriage

    4 Ways To Keep Your Relationship Centered on Jesus / Meet Tommy!

    July 6, 2015

    Hi Everyone! Meet Tommy, my other half/the best guy out there.

    I wanted to write about something a little more personal this time and something I’ve been struggling with this past week.

    I wanted to write about idolizing someone in a relationship because I haven’t been able to find too many posts about this topic and my hope is to help others that might be struggling with this as well.

    What I’ve come to learn about this is that it is much easier to idolize a relationship than I had originally thought. In the past I have been in relationships that were not pleasing to God and I thought that because of that sole fact was what made me idolize those relationships since I had replaced them with following what God had wanted for my life.

    But I’ve been dating Tommy for 8 months now and we both have realized that even though are hearts were in the right place (we wanted our relationship to be centered around Jesus) that didn’t mean that it was just going to happen by itself. We realized that this meant that in order for our relationship to stay centered on Jesus we needed to be intentional about it.

    So me and Tommy sat down and wrote a practical list of how we were going to start doing this. Here’s our list – 4 ways to keep your relationship centered on Jesus:

    4 ways to center your relationship on jesus

    Now we only made this list last week, so we are starting out small to make sure that we don’t set unrealistic goals for ourselves but my plan is to hopefully build on it once these things become habits for us. I think the most important thing we did though was to ask Jesus for help with these goals because we know that without His grace there’s no way we can do this.

    Oh and I almost forgot, after we finished making the list we came up with two other ideas that we thought might help us. We decided that it was important for us to make time for ourselves and make our friends more of a priority so that we have more to focus on besides of each other.

    But how about you guys? Does anyone else struggle with this/have any other tips that might help?


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