• Faith,  Home,  Life,  Self Care

    The Lie/Pressure To Do It All

    February 13, 2020

    As I mentioned in my post about my social media detox (an update on that soon), at the end of last year I was really discontent with where I was when it came to a few of my dreams and goals that I had. More specifically, I was really discontent with where my blog and Etsy shop were.

    I have had big plans for both this blog and my Etsy shop over the years but I haven’t really felt like I was able to focus on them as much as I wanted. Like I mentioned in my post about taking a break from social media, part of the reason was because I wasn’t giving myself the space to really be able to focus on them. I was spending too much time on social media.

    Something I realized during my social media detox was that I had felt this pressure to “do it all”. I felt like I needed to be the one responsible for everything that came to running our home, doing my part in taking care of Shane, and also be able to make a full-time living from home.

    That’s a lot. And I know that I’m not the only one who feels this pressure. Our culture basically tells us that if we are a stay at home parent, we aren’t as worthy because we aren’t bringing in money. And if you aren’t bringing in money, then your work isn’t as important.

    The way that I was dealing with this lie was to tell myself that I needed to handle it all but I also needed to be successful at making money from home. Because then I had it all. I was doing it all and that would mean that I was enough.

    It’s tough too because when you logon to any social media platform — whether that be Instagram or Youtube or any other place, there are countless pages where everyone is showing you what they are doing well. And when you combine them all together (say after scrolling for 20 mins), it now feels like everyone is doing everything. People aren’t talking about what they aren’t doing, or not as much as they are talking about what they are doing. It put this pressure on me to do it all and do it all really well.

    Not only do I need to be responsible for meal planning and grocery shopping, but I need to plan the healthiest meals and then grocery shop myself. Not only do I need to be the one who cleans the house, but I need to have a very specific cleaning schedule where my house is spotless all the time. Not only do I need to blog and create new Etsy shop items, I need to be blogging regularly and every season need to be putting out new items.

    I got each of these pressures from other people that I follow and felt that I needed to be as good as each of these people in each of these areas. That all takes a lot of time, never mind the mental energy each of these things take on any given week.

    Back in the beginning of my social media detox I was having a conversation with my husband about how I was not content with where I was with blogging or with our Etsy shop. I was mostly just not content with how consistent I was being with each of these things. I knew I could do more but wasn’t understanding why I wasn’t.

    I was mostly just venting about not feeling like I had the time. He told me that he would support me and take care of Shane if I needed a few hours here or there. Basically he was (lovingly) telling me that I just needed to make it a priority and he would do what he could to help. It was then that the words, “I just can’t do it all then” came out of my mouth.

    It was like it finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t be the one to be responsible for all of our home responsibilities, also spend however many hours a week was needed to grow a blog and Etsy shop, while also taking care of a two year old. I needed help.

    I needed to stop buying the lie that I had to be good at everything. I quickly realized where I needed help the most and asked Tommy to start helping me with that. For me personally, it was grocery shopping and cooking dinner. It just felt like too much to be the one to plan and cook each one of our meals. Tommy eagerly agreed to help and things have been a night and day difference.

    Before I was trying to do it all well and instead wasn’t doing anything well. It’s true when they say you can only pick a few things you want to do well. Allowing Tommy to share the load of grocery shopping and meal planning with me freed up my brain with enough energy to be able to focus on other things. I can now see things more clearly because I’m not trying to focus on it all.

    I wanted to share this because I thought maybe that I might not be the only one who felt this pressure to be responsible for it all. I believe that if we spend too much time on social media that we start to believe this lie that everyone we follow is doing everything really well.

    I think limiting our time on social media and then stopping to realize what parts of our lives is causing us the most stress and then asking for help in those areas if possible can make all the difference.

    What about you? Can you relate? Do you put pressure on yourself to do everything well? Is there something you can ask for help with? I’d love to hear your story if this is something you have ever or are struggling with now.

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  • Faith,  Life,  Self Care

    90 Days of No Social Media

    January 2, 2020

    Hi friends, I wanted to stop in and share a challenge I have decided to start now that it’s a new year. At the end of last year I was feeling like I had a lot of dreams and goals that I wanted to do but wasn’t getting anywhere with. This in turn created a lot of really ugly feelings. Deep down I knew what was causing these feelings.

    Social Media = The Problem

    Social media: mostly Instagram and Youtube was the problem. I’ve come to realize slowly over the course of the last year or so that wasting too much time on social media caused me to feel paralyzed in my own life and goals. It had reached its height towards the end of last year so I decided to cut it out cold turkey. (!!)

    The Rules

    1. Absolutely no time spent on social media of any kind.
    2. Spend more intentional time reading my Bible.
    3. Spend more time journaling.
    4. Spend lots more time reading.
    5. Blog twice a week.
    6. Create new products for Etsy.
    7. Spend more time with others – book time at the library, playgroup at church, etc.
    8. Start doing yoga 1-2x per week by the end of the 90 days.

    The Results

    The hope is that taking a break from social media will cause me to feel less paralyzed in my own life because I won’t be constantly comparing my life to others and feeling like I don’t measure up.

    It will also create a lot more time in my schedule. This will help with finally finding the time to work on the many goals that I’ve been wanting to meet.

    If I’m being completely honest: I am very nervous to start this challenge. I’m worried about how hard it might be. I know that some of the goals I am reaching toward are pushing myself outside of my comfort zone but I know in the end that it will be good for me.

    I will be checking in once a month to share how things are going.

    Have you ever taken a social media detox? How did it go? What did you learn? Can you relate to any of my feelings caused by social media? I’d love to hear how you work through them. 🙂

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  • Coffee Dates,  Faith,  Self Care

    Let’s Have Coffee | Vol. 16

    May 15, 2019

    Long time, no talk friends! Welcome to my new (old) blog! I changed the name of it officially woohoo! This is something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time but was intimidated by it to be honest. I finally bit the bullet and decided to do it and I’m so glad I did!

    All of my content will basically be the same, I just wanted a name that I felt better suited what I was writing about. I plan to continue writing about motherhood, faith, and lifestyle. So let’s jump into today’s post shall we? Let’s have some coffee (or tea) and chat about how things have been going! It’s been too long!

    If we were having coffee, I would share with you that I’ve been deciding whether or not I even want to continue blogging. I’ve definitely decided to keep it around and just share when I feel like it instead of pressuring myself to blog because that makes it not so fun for me and then I just don’t do it. I’m hoping with a different attitude maybe I’ll want to show up more often but if not I decided that’s okay too.

    If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that Shane has been learning so much since his first birthday! He’s started walking and talking since then. It’s been so exciting! I really want to share a post soon about him and how much things have changed since his last update. He just turned 16 months old!

    If we were having coffee, I’d share with you how God has really been teaching me how important it is to have a thankful heart even when things are hard. Or not how you want them to be. For me it’s so easy to think about how I want things to be and get impatient that they aren’t like that yet. And then soon my attitude is not one of thanksgiving, it’s one of impatience and frustration. God has really been helping me to find the joy in this season. Even when things are hard. Or not the way that I would want them to be.

    If we were having coffee, I’d also share how I’m trying to find hobbies! Sounds random and funny almost. I realized the other day that I don’t really know what I like to do for fun. So I’ve been trying to think and try new things. I bought a book on how to make soap and am going to try that. It sounds super fun so I’m excited. I’m genuinely curious though, what do you like to do for fun??

    If we were having coffee, I’d want to know how you are really doing? What are you celebrating lately? How can I pray for you? Please share in the comments! 🙂

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  • Life,  Self Care

    What I Learned From My Social Media Detox

    March 21, 2019

    A little over a month ago I decided it was time I took a social media break. I decided that I would do 30 days and asked my husband to do it along with me. I learned a lot from those 30 days so I thought I’d share that with you here today!

    Why I Decided To Do a Social Media Detox

    The answer to this was pretty simple really. I decided I needed some time away from social media because I felt like it was consuming my life a bit. I felt super addicting to checking my phone and it was really starting to bother me. I also really wanted to see what else I would be doing if I wasn’t scrolling endlessly on my phone.

    So I proposed to my husband that we do a 30 day social media detox and he eagerly agreed. What I’ve also noticed since then is a lot of people that I follow online are talking about either needing to do the same or should do the same. It seems we all are feeling a bit overly attached to our phones.

    What I Learned From My Detox: The Comparison Trap

    The most important thing I learned over those 30 days was that the comparison trap of social media affected me waaaaay more than I had ever realized.

    For me, this mostly had to do with working on my Etsy shop. I’ve always wanted to work from home. So naturally I’ve found a lot of women online that do work from home and have started following their lives hoping to learn something from them to make that possible for me.

    What I honestly didn’t realize was that watching their lives so often was completely paralyzing me from really working hard at what I wanted.

    I realized that because I’m just starting out on my business venture that watching people who already have what I want makes me feel really badly about myself. Crazy right? I already knew that this is a long time complaint of social media. That people feel badly about their own lives after being on social media. But to be completely honest, I didn’t know I was one of them until I did this social media detox.

    Because for me, I realized that they aren’t conscious thoughts that are causing me to think these things. Like I never had the thought, “I’ll never have that.” or “I feel really badly for not having that yet.” after being on social media.

    What I realized was that they were just feelings I would get as I was scrolling. I never would fully dwell on them long enough to even realize it was happening but after taking the 30 day break I could see it so much clearer.

    Because in those 30 days I got so much done. I worked hard on my Etsy shop and actually did the things that I had planned to do for it for so long. I didn’t feel badly about where I was and I didn’t second guess myself. I just worked hard and felt good about it.

    Jumping Back In

    So what have I done now that I’ve learned this? That’s the hard part for me because I feel like staying off social media would be really good for me honestly. But the thing is I don’t want to stay off social media for good.

    I enjoy following along with my “online friends” but I definitely realized something had to change.

    One major thing I did was to unfollow (or mute) so many people I was following. I went through everyone and basically asked myself why I was following that person. If I didn’t have a good reason then I unfollowed. I unfollowed or muted a lot of people that I knew as acquaintances because our time is valuable. I realized that if I was going to spend time on Instagram then I didn’t want it to be time wasted. If someone encouraged me or if they were a real friend who I genuinely cared about what was going on in their life, then I kept following.

    This has helped a bit and I am definitely more conscious of the comparison trap when it’s happening now. I also have decided to take more social media breaks more often. Once a week, my husband and I stay off social media completely on Saturdays and I feel like this helps a lot too.

    So have you ever taken a social media break? What have you learned? I’d love to hear your experience with this!

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  • Faith,  Life,  Self Care

    2019 Goals: Family + Personal

    January 4, 2019

    I remember this time last year so well. I was two days away from my due date and my thoughts were very obviously consumed with this precious baby who was about to make me a mama. I had no room left to focus on goals or anything I wanted to accomplish in the new year. My only goal was to bring my baby into the world and to be the best mama I could be to him.

    Last year was a year of growth in so many ways. I did reached those goals, even though being the best mama I could be looked way different than I had ever dreamed. But that’s a story for another day.

    This year I feel much more ready to set some goals for the new year. I finally feel more settled into being a mama now that I’m a year into my new role. This year Tommy and I sat down and came up with some family goals to try to make sure we stay on the right path this year. We want to not waste the year and use the gifts that God has given us to serve him and others.

    I thought today would be a good day to sit down and share what we came up with. You know, to hold us accountable or something. 😉

    Our Family Goals

    • Read our Bibles/spend time with Jesus daily
    • Save money (for house + vacation)
    • Tommy pass the weld test by May
    • Start an Instagram teaching about God’s view of family
    • Be healthy (by eating + working out)
    • Grow our Etsy shop
    • Minister to our families by having monthly dinners at our home

    I also set a few personal goals that I’d like to focus on this year as well.

    My Personal Goals

    • Organize our house + get rid of unused/unneeded items
    • Have intentional time with Shane
    • Go on more dates with Tommy
    • Read more
    • Have one social media free weekend a month
    • Set social media limits
    • Read my Bible every day
    • Keep journaling
    • Keep praying for Shane using this book
    • Be more active

    Did you set 2019 goals or resolutions? I’d love to hear them if you did!

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  • Self Care

    5 Ways To Refresh For Spring

    March 20, 2017

    Happy Spring friends! Boy am I glad to finally say that it is spring, even if there is still snow outside! As I mentioned in my post about surviving the winter, I just knew that this winter was going to be a rough one. And while it didn’t turn out to be too bad when it came to how the weather was, it was definitely a tough one when it came to my mood. I always have a hard time staying positive and happy after winter drags on for months. This winter was no exception.

    So now that it is finally spring and will hopefully be warming up soon, I wanted to write a post about how to refresh for spring. And while I understand that probably most of my readers actually don’t live in New Jersey, you can “reset” and do these things anytime! These are great things to do if you feel like your life just needs a bit of change or refreshing. 😉

    5 Ways To Refresh For Spring

    1 | Deep Clean Your House

    You saw this one coming right, haha. They don’t call it spring cleaning for nothing. There’s just something about when the weather starts warming up that makes you just want to clean everything. But even if you don’t feel like doing it, I highly suggest it because once everything is clean you will feel so much better. Now’s a good time to get to that big project, like cleaning out the pantry, that you’ve been meaning to get to all winter.

     

    2 | Hop Back On The Healthy Eating Train

    Now is the perfect time to clean up your diet if you’re anything like me and went a little crazy during the winter months. Since it’s getting warm again, there should be an even better selection of yummy fruits and veggies too. Maybe go so far as to challenge yourself to 30 days of clean eating to really reset how you’re feeling. (Might I even suggest Whole 30? I was thinking of maybe doing this with my husband soon.) Nothing makes me feel quite as good as eating healthy, nutritious food does!

     

    3 | Refresh Your Wardrobe

    While you’re doing your deep cleaning, make sure to go through your clothes as well. Donate clothes that you haven’t worn in over a year and make room for some new ones that will make you feel even better about yourself. Even if you only go out and buy two new tops, I’m positive this small change will help you feel good about yourself.

     

    4 | Get Your Nails Done

    I always feel more pulled together when my nails look great. Getting a manicure and pedicure are great ways to feel more confident and comfortable in your own skin. It’s perfect timing too because pretty soon you’ll be wearing flip-flops and open-toed shoes! This is actually one of my favorite self-care tips.

     

    5 | Join a Gym or Start a Fitness Routine

    I don’t know about you guys, but the cold weather makes me never want to leave the house, especially not to go to the gym! Once it starts warming up though it’s a great time to get back to those New Year’s resolutions of working out. 😉 Or if you’re not the gym type, there are so many awesome workouts on YouTube that you can do from the comfort of your own home (and they’re free!). What more could we ask for. My husband and I have been doing Yoga With Adriene’s 30 day challenge.

     

    I’m confident that if we do all of these things (or at least a few), that we will definitely feel refreshed for spring. I am planning on doing as many as I can.

    \\I’d love to know, how do you refresh for spring?

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