• Faith,  Life

    A Huge Announcement: I’m Unemployed

    December 28, 2016

    Hi friends. I just dropped by to tell you guys about a huge change in my life. God is doing something crazy and shaking my world up. As of this week, I am currently unemployed. To me this is a very scary journey that I am about to go on. I have always prided myself on how productive I am. Whether it be working full-time and going to school full-time, or planning a wedding in less than 6 months, while working full-time, or working full-time and trying to be an awesome wife, I’ve always prided myself on how much stuff I can do, and do well.

    And in turn I have gotten my worth from these things as well. God is really trying to pull back the curtain on this, and let me tell you, it has been hard to see behind that. I have been riddled with anxiety and stress since making the choice to quit my job, but I know that God is asking me to lay this down at his feet and watch him do something amazing.

    Ever since I got married, I have been struggling with anxiety, more so in the last two to three months, which I have written about a lot since then. I believe this is because I have felt the pressure of trying to be good enough, working so hard at work and also at home, that I have started to lose myself in the process.

    I have felt God asking me to leave my job for the past couple months in different ways. But when I was offered a full-time position at my current company, I just couldn’t understand how a blessing like that could not be from God. But now that I look back on it, I think it could have been a test, to see what are my priorities. I chose wrong, and wanted to be a great wife, and great worker, all while chasing these things, and leaving behind my relationship with God.

    But I finally heard him speak clearly to me at church on the Christmas Eve services we went to, and he asked me if I was willing to inconvenience myself for him. Was I willing to choose a path that others might laugh at, or a path where others might think I’m lazy? Was I willing to live counter-culturally? Don’t get me wrong, like I said before, I am terrified, but I am stepping out in faith and knowing that God is going to show up because He always does.

    Read More
  • Faith

    Your Hearts Desire

    December 2, 2016

    Hi guys. It’s been a while since I’ve written a real blog post. I didn’t keep up with my goal to blog once a week. Once I blow it one week I get discouraged and don’t have the motivation to keep trying. But our weekend getaway was a really nice and relaxing time. I can hardly believe it’s December already.

    But I want to talk to you guys about something that hit me very hard today. Something that is weighing heavily on my heart tonight. Something that I think is at the root of my hardest struggle right now. I wrote about how God had freed me from health anxiety maybe a month ago. And while I believe that He did, it hasn’t been just an easy hike since then. I confess that I’m still struggling a bit with it and mostly with anxiety that something bad will happen to either me or someone in my family. Something that has been helping though is looking back on what God has done in my life and remembering how far He has brought me. It reminds me that He is good DESPITE my fears.

    But part of the problem (and the root to probably all of our problems I think) is that I am not desiring God above all else. A girl I follow on Instagram wrote a very convicting post today about our hearts desire. What is your hearts desire right now? Is it a closer relationship with God? Or like me is it a problem-free life? Or maybe your own comfort? A relationship? Or maybe a job that you are good at and enjoy? When I read this post I was convicted because if I’m honest most days I don’t desire God above all else. Sure I do desire God but I wouldn’t say that His relationship is my first desire. It usually is just because I feel guilty if it’s not. And then I’m operating out of guilt and not love and God definitely doesn’t want any of that.

    But what would our lives look like if He really was our first and most important desire? And how do we get there, if we can honestly look at our life and see that this isn’t how we are living now? I think we would live anxiety-free lives that we really enjoyed because we would be able to enjoy every moment rather than being afraid that it was going to be taken from us.

    I think the first step to this is to pray and plead with God because the only way for us to have real change is for Him to change our hearts. Without first coming to God and admitting where we are really at then there will only be superficial change at best. So what I’m going to start doing is waking up each morning and pray for God to make Him my hearts desire and do my best to act like He is – because that is His rightful place.

    Read More
  • Marriage

    Jesus>Marriage

    November 4, 2016

    I can’t believe it’s November and Christmas is right around the corner. I’m really excited for the holiday season. I want this season to be filled with growth in my relationship with Jesus. I’ve been struggling for the past few months with my relationship with God, which I have shared a little bit about here on the blog. I want to keep striving through this tough season and keep seeking His face above all else.

    Getting married changes so much about your life. I know this probably seems to be the only thing I blog about lately but it’s honestly been one of the main things on my mind since May. It’s a wonderful thing in many instances. You get to live with your best friend. You always have someone to hang out with. You have someone to lean on in the hard times. It’s a time that’s full of new beginnings and new joys that you never knew were possible.

    But I want to share with you guys that marriage isn’t all roses and butterflies. I want to bring some light to marriage to anyone who may be reading this and thinking, “If only I could find someone to marry…”. Like I said marriage is a gift, and a great gift at that, but it is also hard and demanding at times. I don’t want anyone believing the lie that once you get married then you will be truly happy, or once I get a boyfriend, or once I get a boy to like me. The best thing that ever happened to me wasn’t getting married. It was realizing that the God of the universe loved me enough to die for me. Knowing I have worth to the God that created everything I see is such a humbling and awesome thing. Don’t lose sight of this.

    I used to think that once Tommy and I were married everything would be perfect. I knew I’d still have struggles and hard times but I thought that they wouldn’t be so bad because we’d be together. And hear me out, this just isn’t true. Trials are trials no matter if you’re single, married, divorced, or widowed. Each trial is unique in it’s own way and the only thing that really gets you through it, is to seek God’s face above all else. Seek God’s face in the midst of the trial and that’s when you will find true joy. I read so many blog posts about this same idea many times before I was married and I never learned until I walked it myself. If I can spare one person from believing this lie, that will be enough for me.

    If it is your desire to be married, keep pressing in and asking the Lord for this, but don’t believe that only then will you be truly happy. Being married can be hard, just like being single can be hard. Resting in knowing God is for us is what will get us through anything. Let me know how I can pray for you specifically if this is something you might be struggling with. It is close to my heart because it was and probably still is in some ways a personal struggle of mine as well and would love to encourage you along the way!

    Read More
  • Life

    No Condemnation Here

    September 17, 2016

    Welp guys apparently there is just no hope for me to blog every day lol. I did try though! Maybe next year! I just wanted to stop in today and share a little bit about what God is teaching me in this season of my life. I may even just turn it into a little series because there is honestly so much to talk about.

    Today I want to share with you what God really opened my eyes to last week at church. And just to be fair this isn’t anything new and if you’re a Christian you have definitely heard it before – many times at that – but still I really just want to explain it in a way that hopefully will help you guys really take it in too, that is if it’s something you struggle with as well.

    What I’m talking about is condemnation. I am my own worst critic and always fail to give myself grace when I do anything wrong, even when it’s something small. And I’m not saying that we all should just not care about when we do things that we know are wrong but there’s something to say about how we treat ourselves and others when things don’t go the way that they should or the way that God would want.

    Something in my head finally clicked last week at church when my pastor was talking about how our main mission as Christians should be to share the love of God with others. And not just in our actions but with our words. We need to be going out and TELLING others just how great our God is. And to be open and honest here this is something I struggle with in real life. I love writing about it here where nobody really knows who I am but when it comes to the real people in my life I sometimes get ashamed or afraid of what they will think of me.

    But also, more than that we need other Christians to help us share this message. It is not an easy task by any means and we needs others to stand along side us and just be there or just be praying for us. This is God’s work and we need to be pleading with Him to help. And this has been the hardest thing for me. I’ve been afraid to get to know new Christians because I’ve been afraid of what they will think of me. I know my own heart and how messy it is and I don’t want to let others know it too.

    But God has really been opening my eyes to show me that no matter how messy we feel, He doesn’t condemn us. And if He doesn’t condemn us then why should we be afraid of other people? God doesn’t care about what these people think of us and neither should we. Let’s try to remember in those times how Jesus died for this sin so no matter how long we struggle with it God still never holds it against us. Let’s get back up, continue striving and praying to overcome it, but not let ourselves to allow it to stop us from doing the amazing work that He has already planned for us to do. He loves us and He loves everyone around us and He needs us to go out and be His ambassadors.

    For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. – John 3:17

    If you’re interested in listening to the sermon that helped me through this, the link is here. Our pastor really goes into so much more detail about how we need to be heavenly minded too. He really opened my eyes in a lot of ways. Let me know what you think if you do listen!

     

    Read More
  • Life

    5 Things That Bring Me Joy

    September 7, 2016

    Blog-tember Day 7. I missed a day yesterday but can we all just agree that blogging every day is hard. To all you guys who haven’t missed a day – you all are the real MVPs. Anyways, today’s topic is 5 things that give me joy! Easy!

    one.

    Hearing a sermon that was exactly what my heart needed. There is nothing that gives me more joy than knowing God cares for me and meets me right where I am. These sermons encourage me like nothing else and show me that God always is there even when it feels like He isn’t.

    two.

    The beach. I seriously love sitting in the sun reading a good book, hearing the ocean break against the shore, and feeling the ocean breeze. perfection. if you need me Saturday, that’s where I’ll be.

    three.

    Following a challenging recipe and having it come out awesome, especially when my husband tells me it’s awesome ;). There’s not much more satisfying than that.

    four.

    Reading a really good book. Either one that gives you all the feels, like you can completely relate or just one that is completely unexpected and awesome. Those are always the best.

    five.

    Coffee. And that awesome productive drive you have when you drink coffee at just the right time and get all the work done.

    I could honestly go on and on. There are plenty more things that give me joy. Maybe I’ll have to write another (more extensive) blog post about all the things that bring me joy. What brings you joy?

     

    Read More
  • Faith

    Rededication

    July 9, 2016

    For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. – 2 Chronicles 16:9

    I have a confession. I do not know what my spiritual life is supposed to look like now that I’m married. Everything feels different. I don’t feel like I can connect to God as easily as I used to. When I pray I don’t hear His voice as easily as I used to. This could just be a dry season for me – before we were married I was consistently seeking God and desired to spend so much time with Him. I don’t feel the same lately and I know we all go through phases and some seasons it is easy to connect with God and others it is harder but being in a new season of life and not being able to connect with God well has been really tough.

    Sometimes I even feel like it’s my fault. Like maybe I’m doing something to keep myself from connecting with God (besides the obvious, not spending as much time praying and reading my bible). Maybe I am living too much for others opinions or maybe I just got lazy because I finally “got what I wanted” being married and all. But I still do desire God and wish to connect with Him like I have before.

    I also think part of it might be because I am not used to having to connect with Him while other people are around. I used to read my bible and pray in my room behind closed doors and now my desk that I normally read at is in our living room so this makes it much more difficult to be alone. Or maybe God is just trying to teach me to try to connect with Him with my husband now. We just bought 30 day devotionals for married couples. I linked the book in case anyone is interested.

    I wrote the bible verse above because this verse convicted me a lot today while I was reading my bible, but also encouraged me as well. Friends, I don’t feel as though my heart is “fully committed to Him” although I do desire for it to be. Like I mentioned in my post yesterday I feel lost and I guess I’m not sure what having my heart being fully committed to the Lord in this season should look like. I am excited to find out though. Especially because this verse says that the Lord strengthens those who are fully committed to Him. I am praying for an increased desire to know the Lord and praying for obedience and discipline when it comes to reading my bible.

    Read More