• Faith,  Home,  Life,  Self Care

    The Lie/Pressure To Do It All

    February 13, 2020

    As I mentioned in my post about my social media detox (an update on that soon), at the end of last year I was really discontent with where I was when it came to a few of my dreams and goals that I had. More specifically, I was really discontent with where my blog and Etsy shop were.

    I have had big plans for both this blog and my Etsy shop over the years but I haven’t really felt like I was able to focus on them as much as I wanted. Like I mentioned in my post about taking a break from social media, part of the reason was because I wasn’t giving myself the space to really be able to focus on them. I was spending too much time on social media.

    Something I realized during my social media detox was that I had felt this pressure to “do it all”. I felt like I needed to be the one responsible for everything that came to running our home, doing my part in taking care of Shane, and also be able to make a full-time living from home.

    That’s a lot. And I know that I’m not the only one who feels this pressure. Our culture basically tells us that if we are a stay at home parent, we aren’t as worthy because we aren’t bringing in money. And if you aren’t bringing in money, then your work isn’t as important.

    The way that I was dealing with this lie was to tell myself that I needed to handle it all but I also needed to be successful at making money from home. Because then I had it all. I was doing it all and that would mean that I was enough.

    It’s tough too because when you logon to any social media platform — whether that be Instagram or Youtube or any other place, there are countless pages where everyone is showing you what they are doing well. And when you combine them all together (say after scrolling for 20 mins), it now feels like everyone is doing everything. People aren’t talking about what they aren’t doing, or not as much as they are talking about what they are doing. It put this pressure on me to do it all and do it all really well.

    Not only do I need to be responsible for meal planning and grocery shopping, but I need to plan the healthiest meals and then grocery shop myself. Not only do I need to be the one who cleans the house, but I need to have a very specific cleaning schedule where my house is spotless all the time. Not only do I need to blog and create new Etsy shop items, I need to be blogging regularly and every season need to be putting out new items.

    I got each of these pressures from other people that I follow and felt that I needed to be as good as each of these people in each of these areas. That all takes a lot of time, never mind the mental energy each of these things take on any given week.

    Back in the beginning of my social media detox I was having a conversation with my husband about how I was not content with where I was with blogging or with our Etsy shop. I was mostly just not content with how consistent I was being with each of these things. I knew I could do more but wasn’t understanding why I wasn’t.

    I was mostly just venting about not feeling like I had the time. He told me that he would support me and take care of Shane if I needed a few hours here or there. Basically he was (lovingly) telling me that I just needed to make it a priority and he would do what he could to help. It was then that the words, “I just can’t do it all then” came out of my mouth.

    It was like it finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t be the one to be responsible for all of our home responsibilities, also spend however many hours a week was needed to grow a blog and Etsy shop, while also taking care of a two year old. I needed help.

    I needed to stop buying the lie that I had to be good at everything. I quickly realized where I needed help the most and asked Tommy to start helping me with that. For me personally, it was grocery shopping and cooking dinner. It just felt like too much to be the one to plan and cook each one of our meals. Tommy eagerly agreed to help and things have been a night and day difference.

    Before I was trying to do it all well and instead wasn’t doing anything well. It’s true when they say you can only pick a few things you want to do well. Allowing Tommy to share the load of grocery shopping and meal planning with me freed up my brain with enough energy to be able to focus on other things. I can now see things more clearly because I’m not trying to focus on it all.

    I wanted to share this because I thought maybe that I might not be the only one who felt this pressure to be responsible for it all. I believe that if we spend too much time on social media that we start to believe this lie that everyone we follow is doing everything really well.

    I think limiting our time on social media and then stopping to realize what parts of our lives is causing us the most stress and then asking for help in those areas if possible can make all the difference.

    What about you? Can you relate? Do you put pressure on yourself to do everything well? Is there something you can ask for help with? I’d love to hear your story if this is something you have ever or are struggling with now.

    Read More
  • Faith,  Life,  Marriage

    Here’s To Blogging Full-Time + Why I’m Choosing This Path

    January 17, 2017

    It’s official! I am a full-time blogger and stay at home wife. I can’t believe it. That sentence just brings me so much joy. In my last post, I explained how my husband was waiting on some big news from his job regarding a promotion. We heard back about that job and it was not at all what we were led on to believe it was. At first we were very disappointed and confused. We really felt like God was leading us on a new path. But since the job was not what we thought it was going to be, we weren’t sure how this would be possible anymore. There was a lot of confusion, some anger, and some tears, but God showed up big time like he always does. To make a long story short, Tommy is continuing to work with his dad as a welder, and learning as much as he can about his dad’s business in the coming years, to hopefully eventually take over the business down the road. We are so thankful that everything worked out to an even better plan than we originally thought!

    So what that means for me is I get to pursue my dream of blogging full-time! As you can see, there has already been a lot of changes on my blog over the weekend. I ended up switching over to a self-hosting site (which was the biggest headache ever), and was able to customize my blog to finally look the way that I’ve always dreamed of it looking.

    Why I Am Choosing To Be A Stay At Home Wife

    I know that I keep mentioning that I feel like God is leading me to “stay at home” or “work at home”, so I want to explain a little bit more about what that means to me and why I feel like God is calling me to it.

    As a little girl, the one dream that I can remember far outweighing all of the others was being a wife and mom. God answered my long-standing prayer of being a wife on May 22, 2016. It has been a dream since then honestly, but not at all what I thought it would be like. Since then, I’ve written so much about how lost, far from God, and confused I’ve felt. I’ve also written about how much anxiety I have been struggling with since getting married. It honestly didn’t make much sense to me because this is what I’ve always wanted. Why was it so hard?

    It took me a long time and a lot of seeking God for it to finally make sense. God showed me that I was feeling so stressed and lost because I had too much on my plate. Working full-time, at a pretty demanding job no less, didn’t give me much time and much less energy to really get things done at home. I always felt like I was behind on my chores around the house, that I was failing at cooking healthy meals, and that I just was always tired and always on edge. Not exactly how you want to feel during your first year of marriage.

    This was particularly hard on me because my husband and I believe that as a wife or husband, our first priorities should be our family. This just looks differently for both of us. As a wife, that means to me that it is my job to manage my home, meaning cooking healthy meals, cleaning and organizing our home, etc. While we believe it is my husband’s job to provide. So because I felt such a high call to manage the home, I felt like such a failure because I knew I wasn’t doing this to the best of my ability. (Please note, my husband does help me around the house and I really do enjoy working at home. He does not expect these things of me or get angry with me if I am not doing a good job with them. He always lovingly helps me if I am behind.)

    I had no idea how I would ever have the time to do these things well, but when my anxiety got to be so bad, my husband and I felt the only healthy option I had was to quit my job, and seek God as to what to do next. It has been a long, long road but this is why I am choosing to be a stay at home wife and finally feel like I have the time to really manage my home and set the peaceful atmosphere for my husband and guests that I’ve always wanted to.

    What You Can Expect From Me + What Topics I Plan To Write About

    I’ve always, always talked about wanting to post more on here. I honestly have never posted consistently. I plan to have a post up every day, Monday-Friday! As far as topics, I plan to write about my journey to getting a handle on being a stay at home wife – including things like meal planning, my cleaning schedule, and how I budget. I also want to continue on with the healthy eating series I just started. I want to write more extensively about marriage and what I’ve learned so far. I am also going to start sharing wedding details and sharing our pictures, which I’m really excited about! That’s it for the most part, I plan on sharing book reviews when I have them and as always, what God is teaching me. I’m so excited for this new season and am so thankful to be able to share it with you!

     

    Read More