As I mentioned in my post about my social media detox (an update on that soon), at the end of last year I was really discontent with where I was when it came to a few of my dreams and goals that I had. More specifically, I was really discontent with where my blog and Etsy shop were.
I have had big plans for both this blog and my Etsy shop over the years but I haven’t really felt like I was able to focus on them as much as I wanted. Like I mentioned in my post about taking a break from social media, part of the reason was because I wasn’t giving myself the space to really be able to focus on them. I was spending too much time on social media.
Something I realized during my social media detox was that I had felt this pressure to “do it all”. I felt like I needed to be the one responsible for everything that came to running our home, doing my part in taking care of Shane, and also be able to make a full-time living from home.
That’s a lot. And I know that I’m not the only one who feels this pressure. Our culture basically tells us that if we are a stay at home parent, we aren’t as worthy because we aren’t bringing in money. And if you aren’t bringing in money, then your work isn’t as important.
The way that I was dealing with this lie was to tell myself that I needed to handle it all but I also needed to be successful at making money from home. Because then I had it all. I was doing it all and that would mean that I was enough.
It’s tough too because when you logon to any social media platform — whether that be Instagram or Youtube or any other place, there are countless pages where everyone is showing you what they are doing well. And when you combine them all together (say after scrolling for 20 mins), it now feels like everyone is doing everything. People aren’t talking about what they aren’t doing, or not as much as they are talking about what they are doing. It put this pressure on me to do it all and do it all really well.
Not only do I need to be responsible for meal planning and grocery shopping, but I need to plan the healthiest meals and then grocery shop myself. Not only do I need to be the one who cleans the house, but I need to have a very specific cleaning schedule where my house is spotless all the time. Not only do I need to blog and create new Etsy shop items, I need to be blogging regularly and every season need to be putting out new items.
I got each of these pressures from other people that I follow and felt that I needed to be as good as each of these people in each of these areas. That all takes a lot of time, never mind the mental energy each of these things take on any given week.
Back in the beginning of my social media detox I was having a conversation with my husband about how I was not content with where I was with blogging or with our Etsy shop. I was mostly just not content with how consistent I was being with each of these things. I knew I could do more but wasn’t understanding why I wasn’t.
I was mostly just venting about not feeling like I had the time. He told me that he would support me and take care of Shane if I needed a few hours here or there. Basically he was (lovingly) telling me that I just needed to make it a priority and he would do what he could to help. It was then that the words, “I just can’t do it all then” came out of my mouth.
It was like it finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t be the one to be responsible for all of our home responsibilities, also spend however many hours a week was needed to grow a blog and Etsy shop, while also taking care of a two year old. I needed help.
I needed to stop buying the lie that I had to be good at everything. I quickly realized where I needed help the most and asked Tommy to start helping me with that. For me personally, it was grocery shopping and cooking dinner. It just felt like too much to be the one to plan and cook each one of our meals. Tommy eagerly agreed to help and things have been a night and day difference.
Before I was trying to do it all well and instead wasn’t doing anything well. It’s true when they say you can only pick a few things you want to do well. Allowing Tommy to share the load of grocery shopping and meal planning with me freed up my brain with enough energy to be able to focus on other things. I can now see things more clearly because I’m not trying to focus on it all.
I wanted to share this because I thought maybe that I might not be the only one who felt this pressure to be responsible for it all. I believe that if we spend too much time on social media that we start to believe this lie that everyone we follow is doing everything really well.
I think limiting our time on social media and then stopping to realize what parts of our lives is causing us the most stress and then asking for help in those areas if possible can make all the difference.
What about you? Can you relate? Do you put pressure on yourself to do everything well? Is there something you can ask for help with? I’d love to hear your story if this is something you have ever or are struggling with now.
